September 18, 2012
You’ve heard of writer’s block. Well I’ve been experiencing Blogger’s Block. It’s not writer’s block because I have written many blog posts, only I haven’t been posting them. They’re still sitting in a Microsoft Word document.
At first I wasn’t sure what was holding me back. I went through rhetorical thoughts and questions like: I don’t know what to blog about. What’s my blog’s focus? Is this blog post good enough? And then I attempted to stop thinking about the blog altogether. But seeing my husband passionate about starting his blog, I started thinking about it again and realized only a couple of days ago that my Bloggers Block really has nothing to do with the questions I was asking myself.
The truth is: I’m self conscious.
After posting a few blogs, I suddenly became self conscious about who could be reading my posts. It’s not the people I don’t know that make me self conscious, but the people that know me. Or at least who know me to the degree that I have allowed them to, and that includes family.
I’ve always been a private person so it makes sense that I would experience self conscious thoughts. A few weeks ago I had a thought way in the back of my mind (it never became a fully surfaced thought but it was there lurking behind other thoughts) about a certain person reading my blog. (I have no idea if this person has even seen my blog, but that “what if” thought came into my mind.) That person, somewhat of a critic, has remained in my head ever since. And that’s what’s been holding me back.
I have no choice but to overcome this self conscious thinking. I didn’t start this blog to not follow through on it. And following through is a rule I’ve adopted a few years back because I used to be such a non-follow through person. I’d start things with good intention but not finish.
So yesterday after having a talk with God about my blog (yes, I talked to God about my blog), I sensed Him saying:
“You started the blog because I asked you to step out. Stop hiding. You have
something to say. Say it. Be free to write out loud. I am pleased. Don’t worry
about anyone else.”
And that’s when I was jolted back on the right track. Remembering why I'm doing this in the first place.
And really, what is a private person? It’s someone who’s hiding. And when I say it that way, that I’m hiding, it doesn’t sound as chic as “I’m a private person.” Is hiding what God wants? When we hide, we hide our value and the gifts that God has given us which were given to us to share with other people.
Right now I’m reminded of the children’s song, This Little Light of Mine:
This Little Light of Mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This Little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
…hide it under a bushel…NO WAY (as my son sings it),
I’m gonna to let it shine….
My son and I sing that almost every night together after he’s tucked into bed. It’s not just a children’s song. It’s a reminder that God is calling us all to remove ourselves from the bushel and let our lights so shine.